trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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