She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
