we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
