I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
