i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
