I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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