I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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