It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
