I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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