Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
