i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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