you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
