I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
