Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
