I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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