theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize