she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
