have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
