so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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