just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
