$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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