I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
