They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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