Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
