You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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