So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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