yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
