Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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