just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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