dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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