I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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