Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She said her name was "party"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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