I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
