Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
