How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
