Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
