she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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