Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize