I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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