I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
