I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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