the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
