Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
