hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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