hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
