apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
