I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
