mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
