Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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