I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
