Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
