Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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