Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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