I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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