she looked like the before picture.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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