A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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