my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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