whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
