remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
