i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
