god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
