maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
