So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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