My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
