so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
