Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
